So, after all those years of football, that was it. No more changing room banter. No more politics. No getting back from training or a mid-week match after midnight, not eating correctly, then casually getting up for my job early the next day. No more tweeting #MatchDay or taunting one of the players I’d know from the opposing team with some random cheeky tweet to try get in his head early doors – because damn right I’d be doing it throughout the whole game later. No more picking up my team mates and stopping off to get a pasta (it was a tesco meal deal normally). No more of that genuine match day buzz – I’m sure most can relate wether you’re a player, part of management, or watching from a far – that excitement is what makes it worth it, right?
This all stopped, all of it. Just like that.
Now let’s rewind, back to September, the last time I was involved in any type of football, literally. A few months later I made my little announcement – and to be honest, I got plenty of love and supportive messages from so many players/managers that I have met and some not, throughout my ‘Journeyman’ career.
Humbling would be the only way to describe some of the things that were said – along with a lot of nice self-reflection when hearing from managers/coaches I’d worked with very early in my career. Seeing that they still took the time to say something was nice. You start to appreciate these things more, when a vision of ‘the end’ suddenly appears.
There’s something about the footballing community that repeatedly shows the togetherness football can automatically bring, even throughout all the rivalries. A few examples of this…When a player gets a horrible injury, like a bad hamstring pull, or a leg break – you’ll see so many supportive messages online from players/managers and as always, the fans. Mentally, that player could be going through a lot, and sometimes a little show of support can go a long way towards that player being motivated enough to get back as soon as possible. Or like in my case, when a player retires – seeing I had the footballing respect from people I felt I really had to work hard to get, felt like a real personal win for me and also made it a lot easier to accept….I’m not a ‘footballer’, anymore, but you done a bit during your time Mikes.
I wasn’t ready for retirement. Nor did I have any sort of plan in place as to what would now replace the hole football would prove to leave in my life. I was only a ‘Non-League’ footballer – it’s not like I had earned enough money to enjoy retirement with my feet up and relax completely stress free. That thing called life was still well and truly moving, and at serious speed.
Normally, as well as earning a decent bit of money on a Saturday, I’d also have the 90 minutes of freeness the pitch gives you (well, 90 minutes if you was starting….) to just release any stress or tension I had built up in the week.
The first few months was easy – I had just got a new and pretty well paid job which was extremely busy (busy being the keyword – at this point I’m working myself so hard I didn’t even have time to reflect on anything, let alone football. When I did have time, I couldn’t keep my eyes open, I was so tired). Then the very first lockdown came, and unfortunately for many this meant staying at home though I found myself being a ‘key worker’ during these times – this meant working almost everyday.
Now at this point, football had been stopped worldwide.
Personally, this left me in a very weird place because now I couldn’t really even watch a little ‘live’ football for a mini football fix…It was work, work, sleep, work wor.. okay I think you get my point. It was around these times I really felt that I realised within myself that for nearly 13 years, I didn’t ever just take a moment to myself to take in, no matter the level I was playing, no matter my involvement, I really just loved being a part of the game
It was around this time where I started to take a lot more notice in the social media side of Non-League. YouTube channels such as UrFreshSportTV and Grassroots Football TV have allowed me to be able to watch regular podcasts/interviews and even follow SCR progression in this weird Covid-19 stricken season has been so interesting.
Everyone has different ways of dealing with things mentally, and from a young age mine has been football.
The best thing about it is, you can be ‘involved’ in so many ways. Which may seem confusing because many would know I had been offered numerous roles as a coach though at the time I really felt like I had been a player for so long that if it wasn’t that, it couldn’t be nothing. A small way of thinking, which I now see that this was more an irrational decision I made when my head wasn’t right.
One thing I wish I did more – was stay in contact with my guys that are still heavily involved in the game. I feel naturally that would have lured me back somehow at some point.
I stopped entertaining football talk via direct messages, with players that I used to always banter about ball with. I felt so disconnected though now I have definitely taken in that it was me that was causing the disconnection.
I shut myself away completely. I didn’t really acknowledge football talk and when it was brought up I’d always play it off and change the subject.
Staying quiet on something (in my case football, but in ANY case) is never good, and if there is one thing I’d say to anyone reading this – No matter the situation, wether you’re missing someone/something, anything, talk about it. I know you may think it sounds silly, but having a conversation, a simple conversation can make a huge difference to your mental health.
Recently, I verbally accepted a coaching role which won’t be announced until reality resumes. And in general, things going are much better now.
One thing I will definitely be doing is writing more. I’ve missed this too.
#MC9
#MC9 